Sock Witless News

 

 

Time to clear up and clean out.

Time to get rid of a bunch of lame-o jokes written about news stories in recent days.  (Aren’t ALL my jokes lame?)

 

With that, My Odd Sock presents…”Sock Witless News.”

 

 

 

Today’s top story…a tanker truck carrying nearly 11,000 gallons of gasoline overturned in Providence, Rhode Island.

Actually, the exact amount was 10,999 & 9/10 gallons.

 

 

A pastor in Louisiana pleads guilty in a $200 thousand dollar Social Security scheme.

Seems the reverend was using God’s Social Security # 000-00-0001.

 

 

A city councilman seeking a state house seat in Oregon announced he was still running despite a sexual misconduct allegation against him.

Hey, why not.  It doesn’t keep anyone else from running for higher office.  Reach for the stars, dude!

 

In Mississippi, a 911 dispatcher was robbed at gunpoint inside a sheriff’s office.

Wha-Who you gonna call?

 

 

 

Iowa’s pig population has reached a record 23.6 million.

And that’s just the folks at Golden Corral.

 

 

The local man who won the Pendleton Round-Up in 2016 will be entered into the Idaho Rodeo Hall of Fame later this month.

His induction ceremony will take eight seconds max.

 

The Alaska Zoo in Anchorage is receiving a 16-year-old female panda bear from the Denver Zoo.

Officials say the bear has typical teenage angst.

 

 

 

Mattress Firm announced it will close 200 stores and file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

Analysts say the retailer’s financial future is lumpy.

 

 

Work began on the Gordie Howe International Bridge between Windsor, Ontario and Detroit, Michigan.

On the roadway, accidents will be referred to as “checking.”

 

Police in Wolcott, Connecticut say a man in a wig stole $200 worth of lottery tickets from a gas station.

 

In a related story, a man in a wig has $200 worth of losing lottery tickets.

 

 

A Massachusetts teacher was charged with putting his toddler into a game machine at a mall and using her to steal prizes.

It’s obvious this man doesn’t teach ethics.

 

 

 

St. Paul, Minnesota will pay $520,000 to a woman who was attacked by a police dog as she took out her garbage.

She will also be given a bite suit for next trash day.

 

 

 

A proposed “sex robot brothel” has been blocked in a vote by Houston’s city council leaving many to ask…”Alexa, what are your plans now?”

 

 

 

 

Finally, council of New Britain, Connecticut have voted to change the name of “Paul Manafort Sr Drive” to “Inmate #477631.”

 

That does it for “Sock Witless News.”  Thank you for joining us.

A good ear wash does wonders.

Good night.