A Christmas Bender

A Christmas Bender

 

A true story.
A true story.

Enjoy this repeat of an older My Odd Sock…

 

The realities of life are sometimes difficult to accept.  When things aren’t like you imagine them to be.

 

I’ve been going through a difficult period lately as one of my life long idols appears to be in trouble.

I have admired this man all my life.  He brings a smile to my face every time I see him.

I’ve enjoyed him on TV and in the movies.  Listened to his albums.  And even seen him in person a time or two.

 

So it is hard, downright gut-wrenching, to accept when your icon, your role model, your hero sinks to new lows of debauchery.

Behavior so ugly, so lewd–it just can’t be the same person you emulate.

 

But it must be true.  The proof is out there.

I….I……..Oh c’mon.  Come out with it!

 

Hooch hound.
Hooch hound.

 

OK…

Santa Claus has a drinking problem.

 

There, I said it.

 

In fact, I believe Santa is a drunken lush.

 

 

 

 

Wino pub-crawler.
Wino pub-crawler.

Everywhere I look, there he is, sprawled out in some front yard.

So loaded he can’t even make it to the chimney.

 

Drunk.

 

Smashed.

 

Soused.

 

 

Shitfaced.
Shitfaced.

 

 

No wonder he’s always jolly.

He’s three sheets to the wind.

 

That explains why the shirts I get for Christmas are always the wrong size–this guy is blitzed out of his gourd.

 

 

 

 

The guzzling boozer.
The guzzling boozer.

 

 

It’s sad.  So sad.

He’s just laying all over town.

I’m not even sure Mrs. Claus has a clue to his antics.

 

Thank goodness Rudolph guides his sleigh, because this guy looks like he wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground!

 

 

There you have it.

My adoration of an idol–ruined.

He’ll never be looked at in the same light.

Hmm.

Waaaaaait a minute……..Did  you think I was writing about Bill Cosby?

sock

 

4 Replies to “A Christmas Bender”

  1. I knew there was a reason for me always being jipped while the punks got it all. Forever ruined.

  2. I too thought Santa was on a “Christmas Bender”. Always wondered why during the day I found him sprawled out all over the lawns in my neighborhood. SPOILER ALERT:…..It wasn’t until a friend told me those blow up Santa’s were on a timer and deflated during the day. I guess so he could “sleep it off” whatever he was doing at night. (I really didn’t know they came with timers…..thought the neighborhood had been vandalized…..my bad 🙂 )

  4. Poor Santa. I’ll just pick up where you stopped…drinking that is…and maybe you’ll finish making the rounds! Yeah, that’ll work GREAT!

    Talk to you all after the new year’s then. 🙂