Christmas Snickerz
Ah, tis the holiday season.
The lights. The trees. The tinsel.
Every where you look, one must love the festive atmosphere.
Even here at the My Odd Sock corporate office, every room is decorated in Christmas splendor.
That fact came to my realization just yesterday, as I tried to use the company facility (bathroom).
My simple task was to empty my seemingly thimble-sized bladder.
That’s when I noticed, there, staring at me from atop the toilet, was a smerking snowman.
“What are you looking at, Frosty?” I said.
It was grinning at me with a smile from cherub cheek to cherub cheek.
Watching me. Staring at me with its two little eyes of coal.
“Can a guy have some privacy please?”
But it was too late.
The snowman’s icy stare caused my flow to freeze up like a water line in Alaska.
“Oh, this is ridiculous,” I said to myself. “I’ll use the other bathroom.”
So, up the stairs I went in search of a little privacy.
But before I could settle in for a long Winter’s pee, there was Santa Claus, on the lid, laughing at me!
WTF!!
I tried & tried to go, but could only hear Santa “Ho Ho Hoing” in the background.
Even the goofy toys he held in his arms were laughing at my shy bladder!
Saint Nick?…More like Saint Prick, you SOB!!
Now, clear thinking people would simply cover the figures with a towel.
But nooo, My Odd Sock had to seek revenge!
“There, Mr. Snowman, whatdya think of this?”
“Twelve hundred watts of hair-drying, snow-melting heat!”
“Yeah, where’s your friend Karen when you need her now, huh?”
And the laughing Santa?
I got him!
“Here, Santa, how ’bout a toilet bowl baptism for Rudolph!”
“Who’s smiling now, Mr. Claus?”
Oh my.
Maybe next year we need to rethink decorating the bathrooms.
Either that or sending me away for a professional evaluation.
4 Replies to “Christmas Snickerz”
First, I might consider that “professional evaluation” because of your strangle hold of a small stuffed Rudolf above the toilet and your being affected by inanimate objects.
Second, I am jealous of your ability to climb the steps and attempt to use the second floor commode. That trip should have set your bladder into action regardless of where Santa was staring.
Third, Please keep up with your humor. We don’t decorate for Christmas any more but I have been in houses that have way too many said decorations. I must say though that I have never thought about giving any of them a bath in the toilet – until now.
haha! It’s bad enough to have HUMANS cause pee-shyness; now there are inanimate figures to contend with! Those WERE some beady eyes…
Ms. Cranky,
Thank you. I hear you sister!
James,
I count my blessings everyday I am still able to crawl up the stairs.
ALWAYS appreciate to hear from you—even though you agree with the “professional evaluation” stuff.
Keep fighting & keep moving!
I’d really, really like to see the Travelocity Gnome silenced by being thrust headfirst into the toilet. Not exactly a Yuletide figure, but kind of a creepy Santa look-alike.