Standing Still

 

 

Walking was a given.

But who knew multiple sclerosis would steal my body’s ability to do the most basic activity of all…..standing still.

I mean standing without aids…sans a cane, a crutch, a shoulder or a wall to lean against.

 

 

 

Standing is something I learned when I was two years old.  Why, I could stand before I was potty-trained!

And today, BOTH of these talents in my skill-set are in jeopardy!

Standing requires balance—something I lost years ago.  Heck, governments of radical nations have more balance than I do.

 

 

The reason I bring this up was that my ability to stand unaided, had been brought to light in recent weeks. 

The incident occurred at Boston’s Logan Airport thanks to a TSA full-body scanner.

 

They are the controversial security units some have criticized as an invasion of privacy.  I say, if you don’t have an explosive device strapped to your genitals whatdoya care!

Anyway, we were running late for our flight as I rolled up to one of these gizmos.  The attendant looked at me like she had never seen someone in a wheelchair before. 

 

 

I suppose I could have waited for the handicap pat-down (grope session), but we were late so I jumped from the chair and hobbled to the scanner using my canes.

The attendant finally asked..”You can stand?”

I replied, “Yes, I’ve been healed.”

“Well you’ll have to stand without your canes for seven seconds.”

“Fine, let’s do it” I said and handed my canes to my wife.

Next I assumed the position.  Hands above your head like you are being arrested.  (Not that I have done that personally).

Seven seconds? I thought.  Oh boy.

I tightened every muscle in my body.

One-two-three.

It was like holding back a fart on a crowded elevator.

Four-five.

Almost there.

Six-seven.

Yes, I made it!  And no explosive device—that is, if you don’t count the pocket of air straining to escape my colon!

 

 

 

The body scanners produce an eerie image of people.

 

The picture reminds me of something………..

 

 

 

 

Is this really the Shroud of Turin?…………

 

Or is it the scanned security image of Jesus from the Newark airport?

Hey, you’re supposed to put your hands up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

My point is through all this nonsense (there’s a point?) is that MS steals not only our body’s major functions (movement), but also some important, minor ones as well (standing).

(Wow, that is some point Einstein.  Like we didn’t know that!)

What everyday, physical challenges have you faced lately?

I’ve come to realize with everything being “handicap-accessible” these days, there are still some situations, like boarding a plane, where it is a simple test of standing still.

And I barely passed.