Neck Cracking

 

Go ahead with your little mindless habits. 

You won’t bother me.

Not one bit.

Spin the ring on your finger.

Twist your hair.  Or bite your nails.

Click a pen, pick at your lip or fiddle with your ear.

 

Don’t stop ‘cuz of me.  You probably don’t know you even do these things anyway.

Do whatever you do.  Except one…..cracking your neck.

That’s right.

Nothing gives me the willies more than hearing the crunch/grind/pop as someone cracks their neck.

 

What in God’s name are you doing?

It feels good, you say?

What feels good about physically manipulating your cervical vertebrae until they crack?

Some think it feels good shoving a metal shard under a fingernail–but I don’t do that either.

It’s just not right to twist your head each way to its absolute extreme.

What do you think you are…an owl?

Your head only goes so far for a reason.  If it went all the way around you’d be a ventriloquist dummy.

And just what have you been doing that makes for cracking your neck anyway?

Lifting a car?  Single-handedly putting out a forest fire?  Pulling a boat through the Suez Canal?

No, you just had a lengthy meeting on Zoom.  I don’t think your neck needs cracking.

“Who put Becky in charge of HR, geez!”  (Twisting of head…crick-crack-pop-crunch)

 

By the way, don’t you go labeling me an anti-cracker either.

From time to time, I’ve been known to crack my fingers to loosen’em up & stretch those tendons.

Admittedly, they do feel better afterward!

 

My knees crack all the time.  Snapping & popping, they sound like the Seinfeld theme.  (Quite a timely reference, Duuug)

Toes, hips, back, everything occasionally cracks on its own as you age.

But your neck?  I’ve never seen a four-year-old twist his head side-to-side…”Pre-school was a bitch today.”

Leave your neck alone.  I beg you.