Stop It

 

All right, just stop it.

We have put up with this shit for some time now-so it has come time to cease.

You’ve had your little fun…got it out of your system.  But it is best to quit with the games.  Hang it up.  And bury it.

I’m talking about things that currently annoy me.  Grating my nerves.  Edging me closer to an insanity plea.

So in no particular order…Stop it.  Please…

 

Driving with a huge smile on TV commercials.  

Who smiles while driving? I’m too busy cursing & flipping the bird.

Glitter on greeting cards.

Your ‘Happy birthday’ wishes makes me look as though I got a lap dance at a strip club.

Calorie counts on fast-food menu boards.

What’s the point?  I know I’m a fat-ass, gimme a double cheese!

Cooking shows that whip up 3-course meals in 30 minutes.

Yeah? So I can heat a TV dinner in less than five!

Self check-out registers.

Am I your customer?  Or employee?

Suggested serving portions on food packaging.

Who eats that little?

Touchdown end-zone celebrations.

As Jim Brown once said “Act like you’ve been there before.”

Tailgating drivers.

Get off my bumper will ya!

Tailgating drivers who speed up, pass me, then slow down.

There goes my driving smile.

Xtra long sales receipts.

It’s a receipt–not a sea scroll.

Toothpaste splatters on the mirror.

If I can see it-YOU can see it, so wipe it off.

Dead leaves in my garage.

It looks like a damn botany expo.

Skinny women & hairless men in retail ads.

Let’s be real.

Unflushed public toilets.

Flush it , man.  I don’t need to see your boom-booms.

Unidentifiable things in vegetable drawer.

I don’t know what you are…or once were.

Overly excited game shows/contestants.

Take a chill pill.  Geez.

Toenail clippings that fly away.

Lost forever.

Big boxes used to ship one small item.

What a waste.

Bananas that ripen too quickly.

I’m not a gibbon.  I can’t eat’em that fast!

One wrinkle on newly-pressed shirt/blouse that is visible to everyone.

Drives me crazy.  I take pride in my ironing!

The dimmer the restaurant lighting-the smaller the print on a menu.

Need a flashlight & cheaters.

Dropped ice cube always slides under kitchen table.

Always.

Shoe laces that knot when untying.

Happens to me every time.  Especially in a hurry.

Commercials about shaving ‘down there.’

Now I gotta add THAT to my morning regimen?

Horoscopes.

Can you be any more vague?

Walking BlueTooth users.

So you’re not talking to me and you’re not cray.

Using perfume/cologne to mask smell of cigarettes.

You’re not fooling anyone.

Amazon deliveries on Sundays.

Man, give these folks a day off already!

Political debates becoming more like roast battles.

Moderated by Jeff Ross.

My dreams of being a professional athlete.

Give it up, Doug.

Yawning at inappropriate times.

I just can’t stop myself.

And finally…

Lists that go on WAY too long.

 

Anything you’d like to add to my list?  Let me know with a comment!  In the meantime, I will keep plodding along.  Reluctantly identifing myself as a grumpy old man.  Waiting for others to…stop it.