M-R-I’m Hungry

 

It has happened.  Again.

A routine MRI became a freak accident at a medical center in Redwood, California.  A nurse suffered crushing injuries when she was nearly swallowed whole by a MRI machine gone rogue.

But this wasn’t the only occurence.

 

Just last month an inmate & prison guard become stuck to a MRI in Arizona.

In 2019, a woman in Israel suffered the same tragic episode.

While in 2018, a man died after being sucked into a MRI in India.

These are just four examples I uncovered during my extensive research of page one in a Google search.  I am certain there are more but I am too flippant to look.  That, and “The Price is Right” is on soon.

My point is, the MRI, useful to many, is actually a maniacal machine with a veracious appetite.

Harmless at first sight, the MRI has a mouthful of hidden teeth.  I am sure of it.

Serrated choppers, similar to those of the Great White.  Capable of shredding flesh & bone and anything in its grasp.

I tell this story as a survivor of dozens of MRI encounters over the past quarter century.

Each confrontation is similiar to the last. 

I enter the room weary of the humming creature.  

It, sizing me up just the same.

Goosebumps cover my naked body beneath a paper-thin gown.

The freakish brute begins to stir louder as I lay upon its cold, hard tongue.  The virginal sacrifice that I am.

Suddenly I am pulled deep inside the belly of the great beast.  Its famish hunger explodes in a tidal wave of sound…gurgles, growls & groans.

I look for the exposed teeth certain to slice into my flesh at any moment…but see none.

After what seems like forever, I am spat out of the machine like a piece of rejected gristle.

I draw deep breaths believing it is over when a technician plunges a needle into my arm.  Injecting what I believe must be a flavor enhancer…much like my dear mother high-balling a brothy butter into our Thanksgiving bird.

All at once I am sucked back into the beast–maybe this time I would be more savory?

The deafening sounds return as the machine mulls my worthiness.  But soon I am rejected yet again.

I climb off its long tongue and put my feet solidly on the floor.

Glancing back at the machine I anticipate a glimpse of gnarly teeth but see nothing but a smooth surface.

As I return to my car I question & contemplate if this experiece was real or imagined.

Meanwhile, people stop & stare.

Have they never seen a man in a paper-thin gown before?  Geez.