Guilt Over Good
One can be guilty of many things.
Mostly bad stuff comes to mind.
But I ask you, can one be guilty of a GOOD thing?
Here’s my dilemma.
Speaking to those with multiple sclerosis, you already know that with a MS diagnosis there can be a truckload of symptoms, signs, reactions, maladies & ailments…affecting all from your ears to your toe nails & everything in between.
There can be pain, spasms, dizziness, tingling, numbness, incontinence, weakness, fatigue and more.
Crushing, debilitating stuff that beats the life out of us.
And here I stand (stooping, of course). Big & tall & dumb.
Somewhat unscathed.
For that reason, I feel guilty.
Guilty. Because I am good. Some days, real good.
Oh sure, I have an arsenal of mobility aids as I move slower than a cashier at CVS.
But I have no pain. None.
I see clearly. My fingers work. My memory is decent. Fatigue is minimal. While my bathroom issues are manageable.
I am pretty good. Swirling with feelings of guilt for that same reason.
The funny meter is quick to remind me this post sounds more like a Hallmark special than a humor blog.
What’s the secret? You got me. Remember, everyone with MS is different. Mine to yours. Yours to hers. Hers to his. What she has–that one doesn’t. Many have this–but only a few have that.
It’s all so damn confusing. And frustrating too.
Therefore, you must do your best to find what’s right for you. What helps? What feels better?
Then, work it. Fight it. Don’t wait for a doctor or miracle pill to cure your ills.
You gotta wrangle that beast with all you got.
Move what you can. Then do it again.
Reach. Stretch. Pull. Squeeze.
I want YOU to be guilty of feeling good!
7 Replies to “Guilt Over Good”
Despite the dreaded wheelchair, I feel good. Could I feel better? Yes! But I have hope. I keep trying and interact with awesome people, like you (even if you are a dreaded Buckeye 😉).
Guilty about feeling good? Nah. Enjoy the good! Whatever good is. I had my Rituxan infusion today. That’s good—wrangling the beast. 🤞
Jenn,
Couldn’t have said it any better. You’re a treasure!
Thanks for your comment. Best regards!
Rituxan literally saved my life. Mind-blowingly effective chemo. My doctor told me I was likely cancer free 48 hours after first treatment.
Best of luck to you, I’ll have you in my thoughts.
I too never have pain. However, I do feel guilty about being jealous of those with Multiple Sclerosis whose condition is better than mine. I see fellow MSer’s doing things I can no longer do. For example my latest beef is with the actress Selma Blair who was recently on Dancing With the Stars. The judges and other contestants were making such a big deal about how much she could do with her diagnosis. In my personal opinion, the energy that she had to put in each performance, was giving a national audience a false sense of how debilitating a diagnosis of MS can really be. For the record, I was never a ballroom dancer, and I apologize that my guilt turned into a rant.
I am guilty about being jealous that after being on three different disease modifying drugs, I still have progressed to the point you’re not going to see me in an Ocrevus commercial. A drug can be 99% effective, and I am going to fall in the other 1%
Margaret,
Thank you for your comment. Don’t be so hard on yourself!…Gams like yours–you could have been one helluva ballroom dancer!
I had a similar guilty feeling back when I had cancer. I’d feel wonderful and full of hope, and then I’d see people with real problems in the chemo room and feel terribly guilty. Took a while before I teased out that everyone has their journey, and feeling good is ok.
Greg,
That’s right. Everyone is different. I tell the newly diagnosed not to be intimidated by those of us using mobility aids–their MS could be entirely different!
Thanks for your insightful comment!