I’m Tired Of…

 

I am offering myself this platform to speak out.

I am an eight-year member of AARP.  I wear Rockports.  I drive slow.  I am losing my hair.  Correction: not losing hair, it’s just growing in the wrong places.

I get cranky and have to let it out before I have a stroke.

So here goes, my short list of things “I’m Tired Of…”

 

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle

You had to leave the monarchy because of the ruthless media scrutiny.  I get it.  The English poparazzi is blood thirsty.  They make TMZ look like bush-league rank amateurs.  So you come here and move to Canada to have a quiet family life.  Yet you continue to make statements, do interviews & press detailing every little nuance of living away from the royals.  You make me want to drown myself during afternoon tea.  Please.  Stop.  Talking.

 

Aaron Rodgers, Kyrie Irving, Novak Djokovic & Joe Rogan

Quite a brain trust of anti-vaxxers.  I’m not calling them dumb, but one of the four does believe the world is flat, sooo.  They are good at what they do but leave dispensing medical advice to the experts.

 

Toothpaste

I’m not tired of toothpaste per se, just overwhelmed of the different types available.  Breath-freshening.  Whitening.  Enamel rebuilding.  Gum health.  Root care.  Polishing.  Plaque reducing.  Since when do I need a D.D.S.  degree to pick a toothpaste?

I remember the day when we had the choice to two…Colgate & Crest.  Later came Aqua Fresh and the whole brush-rinse-spit world was turned upside down.  Ay-ay-ay, the only cavity I have is in my wallet!

 

Advantage Plan w/ Joe Namath & Jimmy J.J. Walker

You can’t watch daytime or early-evening TV without seeing one (or several) of these painful commercials.  It is relentless repetition.

Broadway Joe has become more of a side street.  While J.J.’s voice is like a tomcat walking on broken glass.

I have a hair-trigger finger on the mute button when these ads air.

 

Tom Selleck & his reverse mortgage

Phew, same goes here with the mute button.  Is it just me or is Tom’s face getting smaller while his moustache is taking over?  It’s like a facial hair domination game of Risk.  Plus, isn’t it common knowledge what a rip off a reverse mortgage can be?  What a depressing message targeting at those in their golden years.  Makes me long for another commercial w/ Joe or J.J.

 

Streaming Services

It’s all about the stream.  Stream this exclusively on Apple TV.  Streaming only on Discovery +.  There’s Disney +, ESPN+, plus Paramount+!  Hulu.  Tubi.  Amazon Prime.

Look, I’m a dinosaur.  I still have cable.  I still get CSPAN 1 & 2.  I’m intimidated to ditch cable TV and switch to streaming only.  I’ll take my time, but you don’t need to hit me over the head with my cable box.  The one thing that bothers me most is…if I get all the services I enjoy watching, I’ll be paying the same if not more than what I do for cable.  It makes no sense!

 

Unopenable Packages

Finally, is it just me or am I the only one having trouble opening pert-near EVERYTHING?  I would love to open a box of cereal, a sleeve of crackers or a gallon of milk without needing something from the workbench.

Envelopes of junk mail are spot-welded closed.  Toilet paper that doesn’t rip at the perforations.  And forget about opening razor blades without using garden shears.

Houdini could escape from a straight-jacket, but there ain’t no way he could open a can of Pringles!

Those are just some things I’m tired of.  Feel free to share what bugs you most with a comment.  Together, we’ll get through this.

Keep moving.