Medical Mishap

 

I hesitate even sharing this story as it causes great personal embarrassment.

But as My Odd Sock is about keeping it real with multiple sclerosis, I’ll spin this tale of my most recent appointment.

As you may know I get injections of Botox in my legs (calves, hamstrings & inner thighs) every three months to ease spasticity.  The device used is sorta like an electronic syringe hooked to a monitor.  The needle is inserted into the muscle.  When the doctor hits the right (tight) spot, a burst of static will sound through the monitor (like touching the sides during the game Operation).

 

My usual, male doctor was away and thus, replaced by a very competent, quite professional female MD.

No prob-lemmo.

As always I removed my shoes, socks & pants.  I laid on the exam table clad in only my shirt & boxer-briefs.

She began with my calves injecting Botox where needed.  Then she moved to my hip adductors (inner thigh).  

As she bunched up the leg band of my Hanes, she accidently touched…..It.

Several times.  Quite by professional accident.  But….It…didn’t care if accidental.

 

You:  “It?  What do you mean…It?”

Me:  “It, as in…It has a mind of It’s own…It.”

You:  “Oh, THAT…It.”

Me:  “Riiiight.”

 

It….stirred.  Waking from It’s slumber.

“God no!  No no no no, not now,” I screamed silently in my mind.

Beneath the mask I was biting my lip.

Wishing, hoping, praying…It…would go back to sleep.

It….listened.  Confused….It slowed.

I was so thankful. 

Till, while trying to find the proper spot on my inner thigh, her hand touched…..It….again.

“No no no!  Go back,” I thought, biting down harder on my lip.

The tide continued coming in.  I was mortified.

I could have shifted my position but you don’t dare move when a needle is jammed in your thigh!

 

“Baseball…think of baseball,” I said to myself.

Images of tubby me in Little League flashed through my mind.

I thought of my favorite baseball players from childhood…Hank Aaron…Pete Rose…Willie Stargell.

Anybody.

Nolan Ryan…Johnny Bench…Wilbur Wood.

“No no no, you dumb ass–don’t think of ‘wood‘!  No wood!”

The doctor completed the shot and moved her hand.

I calmed myself.  Eventually the tide began going out.

 

Moments later, yet another familiar feeling entered the room.

My gut began to tighten.  Pressure began to build.  My insides swelled.

I knew what was about to happen.

 

This time I bit my upper lip being that my lower was still smarting from earlier.

I tensed.  Attempting to squeeze every orifice closed.

“Dear God, no no no!”

But it was no use.  Either someone blew an E flat on a tuba…or I farted.

I apologized heartily to the doctor & nurse.

They were fine but I was ashamed.

 

So ended my appointment…and this tale of humiliation as well.  May my next visit fare better.

Have you ever had an embarrassing time at the doctor?  Fess up and share it to me in a comment.

I know stuff like this happens all the time there.  It’s a part of life.  But I just wish it wouldn’t happen to me.

Keep moving!