Have Some Pride

 

The following is an open letter to zombies.  This cultural phase has long run its course.  It is time to move on to something more constructive.  It is time for all zombies to take a good look at themselves and have some pride.

 

Dear zombies,

Enough already.  Your show has ended.  Halloween has passed.  So let’s make an effort to turn a new leaf with some positivity.  You have done your share of lurching about.  Groaning.  Moaning.  Slumping around in your filthy clothes and unkempt hair.  Let’s take a bold step forward to a brand new you, okay?

 

 

Let’s start with your walk.

Look at you all stooped over.  Looks like you are constipated, man!  Stand up straight.  Head up.  Eyes forward.  Shoulders back.

Try walking with a book on your head.  It will help with that ridiculous posture of yours.

And stop dragging your feet like you have MS for God sakes.

 

Next, what’s with that outfit?  Every day the same duds.

Would it trouble you to change your shirt once in a while?  You look like a bum.  All dirty and drab.  Wear some color once in a while.  Brighten it up, geez.

By the way, close your mouth when you walk.  Why do you zombies walk around with your yap hanging open?  We don’t want to see your poor dental hygiene–bad enough we have to smell your breath.

The fashion police would lock you up & throw away the key.  I’ll lend you some Kohl’s Cash for a new shirt from Sonoma.  Zombie or not, remember, first impressions are everything.

 

Lastly, would it pain you to run a comb through your hair?  You’ve had bedhead for the last decade.

Wash your face too.  Grime, spit & blood all over…you kiss your mother with that dirty mug?  You should be ashamed.

 

So you don’t think having some personal pride will help, huh?  Why bother, you’ve been a zombie for way too long, right?  Well, let me tell you fella, we here at My Odd Sock did a little zombie makeover.  We took a filthy, downtrodden zombie and cleaned him up.  Gave him some new clothes.  A new style.  New perspective.  New attitude.  We changed him into a handsome, confident & gifted gentleman.

Just check out this amazing before/after transformation…

C’mon zombies!  Have some pride, man.

You can do it!  Good luck.

Best regards,

My Odd Sock