Being Punished
A look-back at an old My Odd Sock. Enjoy…..
It was his passing comment that stopped me in my tracks.
“Wait, what did you say about your MS?” I asked.
He repeated…”Sometimes I think I got MS as punishment for some bad things I did many years ago.”
“You really think so? I said.
“Yes, I do. I am being punished with MS because I was a bad person when I was younger.”
His words were a perspective I had never before heard someone speak publicly—yet, it was a perspective (a very private perspective) that I had shared with myself on occasion through the years.
I thought my MS must be explained as a form of punishment for something I did when I was younger.
As a kid, my Mom would stand me in a corner when I was bad. I stood in the corner so much–to this day my head is shaped like an isosceles triangle! But it wasn’t punishment enough so today I carry my lifetime membership to the multiple sclerosis club.
Silly thinking I know. It was a perspective I thought a lot about early on in my diagnosis, but not so much today.
I realized dwelling on the “why” was wasted energy. It wasn’t going to change anything—and it wouldn’t take my MS away.
We need to realize that our limited energies must be channeled to the present—improving our mind & body for today and a brighter tomorrow.
So what took you so long? Were you snoozing like an air traffic controller?
Yes I know, this My Odd Sock has the humor content of “Meet The Press.”
Cut me some slack Funny Meter!
Anyway I hope my friend moves past his way of thinking. Only then will he be able to turn the corner on the “why” and see a vast future of “what” lies ahead.
I was shocked to learn someone else had similar thoughts to my own. So let me ask–did you ever feel this way towards your own dx? Did you take it as just one of those things? Or did you look for deeper meaning?
I welcome your thoughts….
7 Replies to “Being Punished”
OMG — have you peeking inside my mind?? My thoughts, especially when I’m tired or frustrated, go in that same direction. I even try to pinpoint the exact wrongdoing that brought this on. It’s wrong, I know, but on bleaker days, I really don’t want to be positive, or upbeat, or funny — I just want to wallow at my pity party! Thanks for saying aloud what often goes through my lesion-riddled brain!
Peace,
Muff
First let me say I believe in Karma, but even tho I am not perfect, I do not believe I was ever “bad” enough to deserve an MS DX. MS is not the only “trama rama” I have had in my life. It has been said that bad things happen to good people to help make them stronger. My mother used to tell me I have to be survivor, not a victim, and if you are gonna be on the sh*t list, you better be #1 on it. Over the years I have taken all this advise, but now I am too tired.
Oh my, I thought I was the only one who came up with that thought, obviously not! I can tell you that it scared me enough that I became a member at a church and my faith is stronger than before life with MS. It was like a light bulb that was turned on just for me:) now isn’t that special?
Since my siblings are all models of health and vitality, I like to joke that I am the Dorian Gray of my family, the ravaged portrait in the attic that exists so that the others may thrive.
I guess I just took it in stride. (but my stride ain’t what it used to be!) I just listened to the MS DX and thought—It is what it is and I have to make the best of it. My mother took it much harder then I did, she was horrified that her daughter had to deal with the DX. We decided that out of the 3 daughters, I would be the one to handle this the best but now that my older sister has also been diagnosed with MS, we are seeing that anyone can (has) to handle this. Do we have a choice?
I just heard that one yesterday again. I believe everyone has a right to their own opinions and keep my mouth shut when I have nothing good to say directly. BUT…There is nothing I ever did to deserve or bring on MS…or the other 15 million things that happen to all of us everyday.
Shtuff just happens…
For me it explained the the last ten years or so. Then I understood it really was all inside my brain, learning this I told my oldest brother he was right it was all in my head. He was so glad to be proven right even when hes wrong he finds a way to make him look right! So I told him it even has a name he laughed until I said Multiple Sclerosis for the first time in my life he was silent.
Then I knew it had a name.