Indictments
Indictments are popular these days, getting thrown around in the news more than rice at a wedding.
Being the cranky old man that I am, here are a few indictments I would like to add to the pile…..
Perfume Inserts in a Macy’s ad:
I indict the person responsible for including seven different perfume samples in a 35-page Macy’s catalog.
The poor mail man needed CPR to deliver it.
I needed a gas mask to open it.
On the positive side, I won’t need to get my wife a gift for Christmas!
Lighted Showerhead:
I want to indict the company producing this ridiculous product.
The showerhead turn red when water is too warm, blue when too cold and green when just right.
Who thought of this?…Goldilocks?
Perfect for anything without a central nervous system. What do they think I am…an ocean sponge?
I may be numb from the nipples down, but I know when the water is too hot or too cold. I pass on the Illumibowl showerhead.
Other Indictments Should Include:
Commercials that blast in volume out of the TV.
People leaving shopping carts all over the parking lot.
People who don’t flush public bathrooms. I don’t need to see what you had at Applebee’s, so flush the damn toilet.
People driving the passing lane. If cars are passing you on the right–that’s a sign you need to move over.
Grocery Store Obstacle Course. Indicting the manager of the grocery store. The store is bigger than a football field, yet two shopping carts…or one cart & my wheelchair, cannot pass in the aisle because of all the displays. The constant stop, start, wait, yield, go, left of center, get back, your turn now…it’s a game of grocery Frogger is what it is!
People leaving two squares of toilet paper on the roll. Hey, whatcha think I’ll use the cardboard tube? C’mon have some courtesy and get out a new roll for your bathroom brethern.
People and their cell phones at dinner:
Pictured here is what I believe must be today’s table setting. Drives me crazy to see a cell phone sitting on the dinner table. Or at a restaurant.
Put the phone in your pocket…Missy’s Instagram post can wait.
Finally…
Because the sweeper’s design allows one to see how much dirt it sucks up, I indict myself for being such a filthy P.I.G.
Between the vac & the Swiffer, I might as well have dirt floors!
Maybe you have a few indictments you could add. Feel free to send’em this way while the legal fees are mounting.
(Might make you feel better anyway.)
Court adjourned.
7 Replies to “Indictments”
Again Doug. Thanks for the laughs and always keep on , keeping on! Yes we have a neurological disease, that doesn’t make us imbeciles!?!
Joanne,
Thank you for the kind words. Always appreciate hearing from you!
I would like to indict the incompetent person who gets your order wrong at the drive- thru. You go through the drive- thru to save time. But then you have to waste time pulling over to check the order before leaving the parking lot!
Margaret,
That’s a good one! But to be honest, I give them credit most of the time. You see the never ending line of cars. Don’t know how they keep track of all that–I would get frazzled & intimidated.
Thank you always for your comment!
Doug,
The last FIVE times we have gone through a drive-thru, our order has been wrong, REALLY! This is not rocket science people, just give me my da@n fries! (my bad, should I have saved this comment for the next brain drain?)
I am a messy pig according to my swiffer too 😂. Some who don’t flush the commode are just gross. Yes there is a law or something about tv commercials being 4 times as loud….I heard them talk about it years ago. They must not have fixed it though???
I don’t like the MS commercials like for that one drug (Frain Bog) that mKes it look that if you take it you can swim in your huge pool outdoors then automatically go to a party and leave with a guy you just met or whatever. Makes having MS look easy.