Not Crazy ‘Bout Alexa

 

 

Granted I can’t do much, but I can do what they do.

I’m talking about the flood of “intelligent personal assistants” on the market today.

Amazon’s Echo & Echo Dot…Google’s Home and the Home Mini want to turn on your lights, play music, tell you the news & weather and buy crap.

But are they necessary?

Really?

 

In the time it takes to say “Alexa, turn on the light.”

I can flip a switch.  And I move slower than Congress.

If I want music I’ll turn on the radio.

Weather?  Look out the door.  I don’t need Alexa’s help with that.

A family member said “But watch this…Alexa, add milk to my shopping list.”

Then proudly showed her cell phone with the word “Milk” on the screen.

 

 

I gasped, faking amazement as if she were David Blaine.

“This paper does the same thing, look” showing her my equally accurate shopping list.

 

 

I was given one of these gizmos as a gift last Christmas.

And as you can notice, this Alexa has not seen the light of day.

Still in the box.

Now I’m not the brightest bulb, but I have no need for a “intelligent personal assistant.”

But it got me wondering…What CAN Alexa do for me?

 

 

Me:  “Alexa, hold down this stack of mail.”

Alexa:  “OK, I’ll hold down this stack of mail.”

 

 

 

 

 

Me:  “Alexa, be a bookend on the shelf.”

Alexa:  “OK.”

 

 

 

Me:  “Alexa, hold the dishwasher open so the steam escapes.”

Alexa:  “OK, but it’s hard to breathe.”

Me:  “You’ll be fine.  Think of it as a beauty treatment.”

Alexa:  “OK.”

 

 

 

Me:  “Alexa, prop up the chair with the broken leg.”

Alexa:  “OK, I’m propping up the chair.”

 

 

 

And finally…

Me:  “Alexa, hold up the handle so the toilet stops running.”

Alexa:  “OK, holding up the handle, but again, it’s hard to breathe in here.”

 

You know, I’m beginning to think there ARE some good uses for a “intelligent personal assistant.”

Me:  “Alexa, end this post.”

Alexa:  “OK, ending this post.”