How Soft Have We Become?

 

 

“How soft have we become?” I ask myself examining the toilet paper just purchased from the store.

We seem obsessed with terms like soft, plush, cushiony, comfy & delicate when it comes to our backside.

Like we’ve been using asbestos all these years & we want to change it up.

It is amazing how we as consumers buy into the ridiculous marketing used by TP manufacturers.

 

 

 

 

Kleenex & Cottonelle like to put fluffy puppies on their packaging.

Explain that to me.

Dogs are more apt to scoot across the carpeting in the family room than use Kleenex.

They much prefer a rich berber over 2-ply.

 

 

 

Meanwhile Charmin believes we will relate more to bears wiping their ass.

And God forbid a bear use a brand other than Charmin that leaves toilet paper bits on its rear end.  That’s all we humans need–to get bears more pissed off at us!

Reminds me of an old joke with a new twist…

Q-  Does a bear shit in the woods?

A-  I don’t know, but I hope it uses Charmin.  

(Didn’t say it was funny.)

 

The toilet paper in my home I referenced earlier was Quilted Northern.

 

 

The first package was Quilted Northern Ultra Plush with 3 Strong Layers.

A name like that makes it seem as though I’ll be wiping with a fur coat.

It’s quilted.  It’s ultra plush.  With three strong layers.

Sounds like the safety net of the Flying Wallendas.

 

 

 

 

I love the description…..

“Silky.  Smooth.  Soft….to give you the clean feeling you expect and the luxurious feel you desire.”

 

Is this toilet paper?…Or an excerpt from “Fifty Shades of Grey?”

 

 

 

The other package was Quilted Northern Ultra Soft & Strong with Cleanstretch.

(That’s a lot to think about.)

 

Quilted.  Ultra soft.  Strong.  With Cleanstretch.

What?  Is this used by Seal Team Six?

 

 

 

“Flexible.  Strong.  Clean.”

And endorsed by the U.S. Gymnastics squad.

C’mon Northern, I’m wiping–not doing a routine on a pommel horse!

I prefer my toilet paper to be strong when cleaning up while riding an ATV.

Plus, if this is the toilet paper they show holding a stack of coins…all I have to say is if you are pooping pocket change, maybe you should change your diet.

 

How soft have we become is all I’m asking.

The world must think we are pansies in our need for softness.

My 85-year-old mother said she used pages from the Sears catalog when she was a child.  And she added, “you were lucky if you got to use the catalog index.”

 

Boy do I feel ashamed with my Quilted Northern.

Stay soft & strong.