Royal Flush

 

 

I shuffled into the restroom at the roadside McDonalds.

With multiple sclerosis, when the urge hits–you must take care of business!

That’s the great thing about McDonalds–they’re everywhere.  I call them “America’s corporate rest stop.”

It also may explain why the arches are golden…but that’s a whole nuther discussion!

 

 

Making my way into a stall (because I must sit when I pee), I noticed the toilet had one of those automatic flush gizmos.

“Sweet!” I thought.

Being a partial germophobe, touching the toilet was one less thing to fret about.

 

I spun around & dropped my drawers.

 

 

Squatting…my ass had barely touched the seat when…WOOSH!

The toilet flushed with the ferocity of Niagra.

Icy cold overspray sprinkled my nether regions.

I flinched…recovered, then settled in to finish the task at hand.

 

 

 

Suddenly, a muscle spasm flexed my right leg to straighten.

 

The shift of my backside triggered the auto-flusher to fire like a howitzer…WOOSH!

Again, a frigid froth misted my manhood…forcing it to shut down…and retreat like a scared soldier back into my body cavity.

I tried to settle myself by thinking of warm things, but soon realized the moment had passed.

 

Scooching forward on the seat, I attempted to stand and pull up my pants.

 

 

 

My gentle movement caused the toilet to roar for the third time…WOOSH!

 

The thunderous sound recoiled off the metal wall of the bathroom stall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A slight lapse of concentration was just enough to cause me to lose balance & sit back down on the seat again.

WOOSH!  The toilet exploded to life.

Thankfully my butt was spared from the chilly mist by a thin layer of denim.

I thought, I didn’t get this wet on Splash Mountain at Disney!

 

 

Now, having MS makes it impossible for me (and maybe you) to tuck, button, tie or zip pants without leaning against something…a wall…post…door…ANYTHING solid.

So I shifted myself right to press a shoulder against the wall.

 

 

The motion caused the comode to scream in protest…WOOSH!

 

I thanked God I was covered as my extremities were slowly thawing with positive temperatures

 

 

 

 

 

To escape this water hell, I grabbed my canes & carefully scuttled past the throne.

 

 

 

 

WOOSH!

The SOB damned me one final time.

Daring me to stay.

 

 

 

 

I looked back at the automatic flusher.

 

 

 

Smoke bellowed out its seams while it glared at me with one, evil infared eye.

 

 

 

 

I slammed the stall’s door and moved my way to the sink.

 

 

I happened to look up where next to the mirror was a sign reminding me to conserve water.

 

Yes, I’ll…I’ll do that.

 

I’ll conserve water…and stop at the McDonalds at the next exit.