Another My Odd Sock Turkey

 

 

 

Thanksgiving is just days away!

 

Which means you had better start preparing for your Thursday feast.

 

But just where do you begin?

 

Not to worry my friend as My Odd Sock shows you everything you’ll need to set a grand table that would make John Smith proud.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First and foremost, start the day with a refreshing beauty treatment using the Freeman Pumpkin Facial Peeling Mask.

 

 

Nothing brings out that orange skin tone any better!

(Note: This facial is not recommended for those with round faces)

 

Hey, make sure you get the “seed-free” blend.

 

Put a lighted candle in the back of your throat for that realistic Jack-O-Lantern look.

 

And remember, a dollop of Cool-Whip over each eye reduces puffiness!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Next, a beautiful dinner table is perfectly accented with these “Flameless Battery Operated Candles.”

 

I guess these are made for those folks who just can’t handle the complexity of a real candle.

 

And it comes with a remote.  Just how many friggin remotes does one need around the house?

 

I can just hear the chaos…..

 

 

Grandpa:  (Yelling)…”What the?…I wanna watch the football game but I can’t get this damn Jap TV to work!”

You:  “Oh Grandpa, you silly-billy.  You’re trying to turn on the TV with the remote for my Flameless Battery Operated Candles!”

(Everyone laughs)

 

What’s next…..

 

 

 

 

OK, have you EVER spilled a glass of wine like this?

 

 

Let’s be brutally honest, the “Clear Chair Protector” isn’t for wine spills….it’s for those of us with leaky bladders!

 

 

You get a set of two for $9.99.  That’s all you need…Aunt Gert can sit on one chair and Uncle Morty can use the other.

No runs.  No drips.  No errors.

 

 

Now if we just had something to protect the sofa!

 

 

 

 

 

And a Thanksgiving celebration wouldn’t be complete without this lovely and tacky-ass “Ferris Wheel Cupcake Stand.”

 

Who doesn’t enjoy giving their pastries a thrill?

 

Was the creator of this garbage sitting around thinking…”I wish there was an amusement ride for my cupcakes.”

 

I wonder if the cupcake at the top ever throws-up on the one below?

 

This cupcake stand is $49.99.  I can think of a million things I would rather drop fifty bucks on than a ferris wheel for my cakes.

 

Oh, and notice this item is available “Online only.”

That’s great, because now you can save the embarrassment of carrying this item through the store to the check-out!

 

 

 

 

Lastly, we have….

 

 

Turkey chefs and heroin addicts alike will love this “Stainless Steel Flavor Injector.”

 

Don’t worry about sharing needles you guys ’cause the Flavor Injector comes with a needle for each of you!

 

Druggie #1:  “Hey man, did you hear about Blake, man?”

Druggie #2:  “No, what man?”

Druggie #1:  “He OD’d on turkey broth.  Fell face-first into his stuffing.”

Druggie #2:  (Freaking out)…”Oh, wow man.”

 

 

 

Well, time to get back to basting my bird.

I hope this turkey of a guide helps you have the best Thanksgiving ever!

Gobble gobble.