Brain Drain #19

 

 

 

It’s hard to believe this is number 19 in the My Odd Sock “Brain Drain” series.

 

For those of you new to this rag, “Brain Drain” is simply me venting.  Draining my lesion-filled brain of unnecessary baggage.  Dumb stuff I’ve noticed in our world that can be as annoying as a canker sore.

 

Ready to drain with me?  Let’s go….

 

 

Marketing For Dummies

 

I have had State Farm insurance for many years with absolutely no complaints.  An excellent provider!

It’s their marketing I have a problem with.

I received this card in the mail from my local agent.

This card makes no sense at all….”I Fight Fail?”

What the?

It could mean any number of things.  That’s as vague as their slogan…”Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.” 

To you it means one thing.  But to me, I wonder if State Farm is like MY good neighbor letting their dogs shit in my backyard too!

 

What’s next….

 

 

Just Add Milk

 

Enjoying my morning cereal….”Special K with…..RED Berries.

Redberries?  They’re strawberries!  Call’em strawberries, dammit.

Red berries could be currants, raspberries, even dingle berries!

 

When I think about it….even more disturbing is the fact that a 49 year old dude is eating Special K!

What, you trying to fit into a two-piece this summer?

Belly up to some Wheaties will ya!

 

 

Next….

 

 

What’s For Lunch

 

 

Denny’s Restaurant has a lot to offer with its “$2-$4-$6-$8 Value Menu.”

 

 

Including this delicacy.

Fans of cheese…or angioplasty…will savor Denny’s $4 Fried Cheese Melt.

A toasted cheese sandwich containing four fried cheese sticks.  (This meal promises to plug your aorta AND your bowel!)

Hey don’t worry, your waitress knows CPR….and is studying cardiology online at the University of Phoenix!

This samich also comes with a side order of fries for that knock-out quadruple bypass you’ve always wanted!

 

Finally,

 

 

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

 

 

If you watch television at all, you have probably seen a commercial for the “WaxVac, the newest, easiest way to clean your ears.

WaxVac is just that, a small vacuum to gently suck out all the crud in your auditory canal.

 

 

 

The best part of the commercial is the guy cleaning his ears with a cotton swab.  At one point he screams so loudly in pain one would think he was cleaning his ears with an ice pick!  My God man, are you trying to push it all the way through?

Please stop when you reach the ooze that is your brain!

 

 

Next, they show a person using the WaxVac to clean a baby’s ears.  This image frightens me.

I mean, a baby’s skull is still soft, right?  So theoretically, couldn’t its head collapse from the suction?  I just sayin.

 

And it’s all for just ten bucks!

But wait, that’s not all.

Call now and you’ll receive a SECOND  for free!

Yep, you get two WaxVacs for one low price.  Now, you are probably asking yourself…why in the hell do I need a second WaxVac?  Me too.  (We do have two ears so maybe that’s their reasoning.)

 

I’m pretty much drained by now, so it’s your turn.

Anything you want to get off your chest?  Let it fly.

You’ll feel better for doing so.