The Daily News

 

 

People get their news from many different sources.

Some watch it on TV.  While others prefer to go online to catch up with the headlines.

And of course, many dinosaurs like myself, enjoy reading a daily newspaper.  There is something in the way of holding the paper in my hands and reading at my leisure that I can’t get from TV or my computer.

 

 

That being said, I thought I would invite you to join me in reading today’s paper (Friday, Nov 9th) to share the news of the day.

 

So pour yourself a cup of coffee, pull up a chair and let’s get started….

 

 

On The Run.

Local police are looking for a man who robbed a convenience store last Tuesday (Election day).  The robber pointed a gun at the clerk and demanded cash.  Then, the civic-minded criminal asked the clerk who he had voted for!  The thief fled the store, cash in hand while shouting “Vote Obama!”

Wow, these exit polls certainly are getting serious!

I saw the surveillance video and it is safe to say the wanted man was NOT Joe Biden!

 

 

Last Call.

 

 

 

A city bar was busted for selling a beer without a liquor license to an undercover police officer.

Selling a beer?  What a heinous crime!

Communities have crack dealers running rampant & neighborhood meth labs—and we’re worried about someone selling a PBR?

 

 

 

 

Chew On This.

 

In Ohio, a convicted Death-row inmate is fighting his execution on the basis he is too obese and would not have accessible veins to receive his lethal injection.  The inmate wants a federal judge to stop his January execution on the grounds his weight (over 400 pounds) could cause him “to suffer severe pain during the procedure.”

Try telling THAT to the woman he shot in 1983.  No wait, she’s dead.  (But I’m sure it was a “pain-free” shooting.)

 

 

Playing The Game.

 

Seven members of the Navy SEAL Team 6 were reprimanded for working as consultants on the new video game, “Medal of Honor.”  They are alleged to have divulged classified information to the maker of the video game.

Upon seeing the story, my young son said..”Big deal.  What does that mean?”  I responded…”It’s huge.  This means Navy SEAL Team 6 could be defeated by a gaggle of gaming teenagers!”

 

 

Farm Report.

 

There’s the story of a man napping in a Montana cornfield who was run over by a combine….and survived!

The man decided to take a snooze three rows deep in a field when he was startled awake by the machine.  The farmer felt his combine hit something.  When he turned the machine off, he heard screaming.  The man’s clothes were sucked into the cutter, but he luckily only suffered cuts that required stitches.

 

 

Ya know, when I’m drowsy, I often feel the urge to lay in a field during harvest!

The guy says he was “snoozing.”  Not to hear the approaching combine–he must have been in a coma!

 

 

This Toy Sucks.

 

Berjuan Toys, a family-owned, 40-year-old toy company in Spain, has introduced a new line called “The Breast Milk Baby doll.”  The breast feeding doll makes suckling sounds by sensors sewn into a halter top worn by the child.

What’s next…”Postpartum Depression doll?”  “Shaken Baby Syndrome doll?”

Spain was on such a roll…..Magellan….Ponce de Leon….Picasso….and now, Breast Milk Baby.  Shame, I had such high hopes!

 

With that being said, I’m done reading this fishwrap.  Time to Sudoku.

Thanks for joining me.