Afraid of MS

Afraid of MS

 

 

Cowering in a corner.
Cowering in a corner.

 

Around this day sixteen years ago, I received my MS degree (diagnosis) from the powers to be.

They were the most devastating words I had ever heard.

I hadn’t been that scared since the second grade.   That’s when a teacher, Mrs. Metzger, shook me so violently I peed my pants right there in the hallway!  (Don’t remember what I did, but she HAD to notice my puddle at our feet.)

 

I cowered.  I cried, shaking in fear.

 

I couldn’t read anything about MS.  And I couldn’t talk about it either.

It got so bad, I refused to write the abbreviation for Mississippi for fear of getting upset!

Worse yet, I denied the disease.  Because I wasn’t too bad physically, the only way you knew I had MS were those damm shots once a week.

I denied telling my folks for months.  I would sneak into their bathroom to do my shot during weekend visits.

 

 

 

Which way shall I turn?
Which way shall I turn?

 

 

As MSers, we have two ways to turn.

You can go to the good side.  Be proactive.  Learn about your diagnosis.  Talk with others.  And make changes in your life to improve your situation.

Or you can turn to the bad side.  Deny.  Refuse help.  And wallow.

 

 

 

Come to the dark side.
Come to the dark side.

 

I made my choice.  I went dark.

(Inhale & exhale like Darth Vader.)

And it was the worst decision I could have made.

(Inhale & exhale)

As the next four or five years were filled with struggle, fights and negativity.

(Inhale & exh—-Wait, stop, I’m beginning to hyperventilate!)

 

It was then I decided to make a change and go to the good side.

 

I think he needs an optometrist!
I think he needs an optometrist!

 

 

Besides being mesmerized by Luke’s glassy blue eyes (Does this dude take Ocuvite or what?), I realized it was time to learn, to accept some help and reach out to others.

 

 

 

 

Needless to say, it IS a brighter future going to the good side.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have fits of anger & frustration.

But the highs of the good side make the lows seem not so deep.

 

 

Are you hiding from MS?
Are you hiding from MS?

 

 

How about you?

Have you experienced similar fears of your MS?

How do you react?

Can you share any thoughts to help those of us who struggle with our situation?

 

 

Being afraid of MS is natural (So is fear of Mrs. Metzger!).

It’s the choice you make to face those fears that makes all the difference.

You being good…or bad?

sock

 

 

 

 

4 Replies to “Afraid of MS”

  2. I was diagnosed in early 2006, but had been kind-of prepared for it. I had been curious about why the neurologist was running those particular tests (head MRIs, blood tests for Vitamin B deficiencies etc.), so I did a little internet research, and soon figured out that he was looking to confirm or eliminate a potential diagnosis of MS.

    After that, I may have gone a bit far in the opposite direction: not denial as such; partly “meh”, partly “damn the torpedoes”. It probably helps that I’ve been on a finglimod (Gilenya) trial for 5 years now, at no cost to me beyond time for tests, and so life has mostly gone on. My main enemy is fatigue (physical and mental), which seriously hindered my performance in exams at university.

  3. Brian,
    Thank you for sharing your story. It is interesting how different our reactions. Certainly, yours was healthier than mine!

  4. My fears came later [now] in that I just don’t know what lies ahead for me. The unknown is a scary commodity.
    Peace,
    Muff