Attention-Getting Headlines
Newspapers have long been associated with big headlines in order to sell more issues.
The tabloid rags are famous for their exclusive stories about Bigfoot being the next judge on “American Idol.” Or pictures of Jessica Simpson’s three-headed baby.
I admit, they catch my eye when I’m in line at the grocery store checkout. (That’s why they put them at the registers, right?—To give you something to read while you wait!)
Magazines are no different.
Bold, splashy covers tease & entice you to check out what is inside.
Here at My Odd Sock, we subscribe to a magazine called “all you.”
“All you” is a spiffy magazine that helps readers shop smarter & wiser. It features lots of stuff on how to save money as well as offering plenty of coupons.
I’m all for that!
But this month’s headline really stretches things…..
“124 ways to live on nothing.”
Live on NOTHING….Really?
What do they think I am…..a friggin air fern?
And I like how it’s not 10 ways, or 15, or even 25 ways to live on nothing.
It’s “124 ways!” What an odd number. Like the editors couldn’t come up with one more way in order to make it an even buck & a quarter!
Well, I HAD to read this one. I HAD to find out how I could live on nothing!
So I went through the mag…page by page…cover to cover…once-twice-three times a lady, and still never found the article.
Oh, I found money-saving coupons….
Save $1.50 on any pair of Salon Perfect Eyelashes.
I’ve heard of “Locks of Love,” where people donate hair for cancer patients.
But eyelashes? Wow, some people are so generous to those in need!
And I can save 75 cents on G-U-M Star Wars Toothbrushes.
So I can “Brush Like A Jedi.”
Funny, I thought Jedi’s were known more for their skills as a fighter rather than their fastidiest dental care!
Thinking maybe I would find the ways to “live on nothing” within the small, tidbits of information scattered throughout the issue, I focused my attention there….
What am I supposed to do with the dead slugs?…..Eat’em?
Here’s an idea, how ’bout I drink the beer instead…get good’n liquored up…and forget about the damm slugs!
Or this “Bonus Tip”…….
It is small print, so I’ll retype what it says:
“Prepare for on-the-go messes. Be ready for spills and make cleanups easier by bringing wipes, tissues, a roll of paper towels, trashbags and ziplock bags.”
What do I need all this stuff for? Am I cleaning up a crime scene?
Yeah, I’ll just keep it all in the pocket of my Haz-Mat suit!
Cripes, Russia didn’t use that much to clean up Chernobyl!
I have two kids…NOT a pack of jackals!
Geez.
So I still haven’t found the “124 Ways To Live On Nothing.”
When I do, I’ll be sure to pass them along.
7 Replies to “Attention-Getting Headlines”
LOL as always! Love it!
Couldn’t agree more on the waste of a good beer (if it’s a miller light, dump away). Thanks for the great laughs tonight…you made several people laugh their rears off as I read for once out loud. Now, I don’t know if they’re laughing at this or my mistakes as I tried…either way, it’s funnier then heck. 🙂
Just for fun I Googled “124 Ways To”, and to my surprise found “124 Ways Sugar Can Ruin Your Health – Recipes to Fight MS”….. Not worth reading…..However…..”124 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of K-Mart”……Good to know……OK, I confess, it’s Saturday night and I have nothing better to do 🙂
Margaret,
Funny stuff! I need to read how to get kicked out of K-Mart. (Wonder if any of the 124 ways invovle not wearing pants?)
Glad you spent your Saturday night with My Odd Sock!
Speckled Brain,
They were probably laughing at you–covered with peanuts!
Thank you for sharing!
I’ve been ordered to buy more cheap peanuts at Marc’s. DOH! I couldn’t explain how I exclaimed “they cut out the whole dogfight” while watching Independence Day on TV, to be told by the laughing group that I had just slept through it.
Great piece. If you would like to gt together for a beer, I;ll buy the first round of Guiness.
Live life to the fullest. My moehtr was diagnoised with multiple sclerosis when I was 8 but she had the progressive kind and was in a wheelchair after a very short period. She first shut out the world.( my dad died suddenly when I was 3 and she never remarried). She truly did not let anyone in our house for two years. We had people that we paid to keep the house up and go to the grocery etc and I took care of her, walked to school and would come back and take care of her for the rest of the day and throughout the night.After about two years of being mad at the world she finally accepted the disease and started letting people come visit and going to church. Her motto then was Don’t worry, be happy and It is better to laugh than to cry . She did not take her physical therapy for those two years and I truly believe that caused so much atrophy (muscle wasting) to her body. I know she was totally depressed but in the long run it hurt her. Again I say live life to the fullest.There are so many treatments out there now that weren’t available 30 years ago. Clay Walker has MS. Neil Cauvto from Fox News has MS. So many productive people have MS and live full lives. Just remember to pace yourself and listen to your body. When it tells you it needs rest then YOU REST. Keep stress to a MINIMUM. Stress can actually trigger an episode or take you out of remission. Try to find your local MS Chapter and talk to other people your age that have recently been diagnoised and those that have had the disease for awhile. They will all be very helpful. By the way do you have dark hair, blue eyes and med to fair skin. I don’t think there has ever been a study done but I have noticed that about 75 % of the people diagnoised have this in common. God bless you and your family. I will pray for you. Keep your head up. By the way she died of lung cancer,not from any complication of the MS. Was this answer helpful?