Eating All Wrong!

 

What the hell happened?

Have I been asleep in a baclofen-induced coma?

When did this change? 

And why didn’t anyone tell me?

 

 

 

 

All my life I have been following the food groups pyramid featuring a solid foundation of breads & grains…followed by numerous servings of fruits & vegetables…a 3rd level of several daily servings of dairy & meats…topped with the sparingly use of fats & oils.

 

Then one morning, on the side panel of my Frosted Flakes, I noticed the world had changed!

 

 

There before my eyes was a new food groups pyramid.

 

All bright & colorful…with vertical groupings!

How the?  What the?  Vertical?

How am I supposed to eat healthy vertically?

You mean all this time I have been eating horizontally–when I should have been eating vertically?

 

 The Great Pyramids were constructed, stone by stone, level by level, in a horizontal pattern.

And now they want me to thumb my nose at the design of these world wonders—and build my daily diet—vertically?

 

(Oh, King Tut’s mummified remains would turn over in the display case of whatever big-city museum he is currently touring!)

 

 

 

Even the Hard Rock Cafe in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina has bastardized the whole vertical pyramid concept!

 

Does the world have no mercy?  Can I hear an amen?

 

 

 

It’s no wonder the citizens of Eygpt have revolted!

 

 

 

All kidding aside, why change something that is as easy to understand as the old, horizontal food groups pyramid?

Yes, I’m a fuddy-duddy who’s stuck in his ways.  You go ahead and eat vertically like we should, I’ll just continue eating horizontally.

I just have to be something different.

I just have to be My Odd Sock.