What To Do What To Do

This column was written in what is called “stream of consciousness”—no particular pattern, just random thoughts bouncing around in my big, empty head.

 

For years as my multiple sclerosis continued to progress, I was told I should think about disability.

But I didn’t listen.  Stubborn as a mule I guess (and breath just as bad).

So finally I apply.  And was approved.

Well, it has been six months on the gravy train and each day I ask myself…

“OK, now what?”

Really…….Now what?

I almost titled this “OK, now what?” because it sums up my truer feelings.

 

All my life I’ve been like a little puppy.  Tail wagging.  Charging here and there.  Always eager to ask about the next adventure.

 

 

Now, with my MS keeping me on a short leash, I still dribble on the floor like a puppy–but my tail doesn’t wag as eagerly.

 

 

My disability has been approved, yet I worry–and wonder–if this is it.

In essence, I ask “What do I do now?”

Maybe it’s cabin fever to the extreme.  I mean I’ve run the sweeper so often I’ve got ruts in the carpet.

I’ve heard MS being described as the “couch potato disease” (I never know if I should spell “potato” with an “e”) because of fatigue issues.  That’s the wrong thing to say to me.  I’ve never been one to sit still for long.  I even freak out playing “freeze-tag.”  I refuse to be labeled as a couch potato.  That’s why this whole disability thing has me flustered.

 

Do I get a job?

I know I am allowed to work on disability.  Unfortunately, the job market is the worst it has been in a great while.  And honestly, there are so many people looking for work, who is an employer going to hire—a healthy guy or gal—or someone with so many walking aids they should star in the next movie for” Transformers?”  Honestly.

Should I volunteer?  I suppose that is a possibility.  Although volunteering doesn’t add to the bottom line.

Did I warn you I was going to be all over the place with this column?

Maybe I should stay home and write for this goofy website.  It IS therapy to an extent.

The world is my oyster they say.  I just need to figure out which ocean I should leap into for my next move.

If you have MS, or any other disabling disease on the Rick Dees’ Top 40, have you experienced similar feelings of “what now?”  How do you cope?

I would hang and chat, but I’ve got a sweeper to run.